I was hungry and you fed me...

This isn't a post about my eating habits...

My heart is aching tonight, and this seemed a good place to go with it. At Kingdom Kids Club we have a family of children who has been coming for a month or two (a year or more to church, but just discovered our Wed. night program). 3 of 5 precious kids in a very troubled family. Tonight they were all agitated from the moment they arrived.

Tonight's story was about Jesus being tempted. I chose this for our memory verse:

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4

It seemed perfect when I thought about the significance of memorizing scripture, etc. So tonight I asked, "What's the longest time you have been without food?" Most had not gone long, one tried to impress us and proudly said, "3 days." Then the 3 siblings, almost in unison, said quietly, "8 days." I stupidly asked if they chose to not eat, and they said (of course) "No, we just didn't have any." They are 6, 8 and 11. I couldn't pursue that conversation any further for fear of embarrassing them more, and for fear of weeping in front of my class.

Then I finally thought to ask if they had eaten before they came. They hadn't. Apparently an exterminator had to come to their trailer house so their mom gave their food to their aunt, and her family ate it all. So they had no food. We scrounged together some rice crispy treats and water, and I had planned a game involving cereal, so I sent them home with Alpha-bits. Of course they all calmed down once their tummies weren't starving.

I'm glad they are coming to KKC to receive spiritual food. I believe it will bless them. But my stomach is in knots. MY memory verse that the LORD put in my heart tonight has been, "I was hungry and you fed me."

Tomorrow they will go to school and get breakfast and lunch. Then they will be off school for 9 days. While the rest of us can hardly wait, I imagine they are not so excited about the week to come. Home isn't a safe place--in many ways, and food is perhaps the least of their problems. But it is one I can do something about.

"I was hungry and you fed me." "Man does not live on bread alone." (One of the kids said, "Man, we never have bread. I wish we had bread!")

I know it's time for a shopping spree. I just don't know what comes after that. Why, oh why, does this frighten me?

Wednesday Weigh-In

xx4.6, almost 4 more pounds down. And still, the only change I've made in lifestyle is avoiding sugar.

Once again, this is a little sad to me. I wish I could say it's about my good habits I'm forming--exercise, healthy foods, etc. But I think it means that I've been consuming hundreds and hundreds of calories in sweets. I miss it, I still crave it, and I think about Easter a lot. I wish I was thinking about the cross a lot, but honestly I'm thinking about Reese's peanut butter eggs a lot, wondering if I should buy some now and put them in the freezer. Oh, that sounds terrible when I write it!!!

Thinking about so many things, but I will have to write more later. Wanted to document while I'm thinking about it and awake.

How are you doing, friend? Ready to join me for a sugar fast?

Bad News

I looked for last week's weigh-in and I guess I just skipped it! (It was a very busy day, ending with me being sick for 2 solid days--in bed, trash can beside me sick.)

Anyway, the good news today is that my number is xx8.4, which is 2.2 pounds down from 2 weeks ago. The bad news is that it's probably because I'm not eating desserts (well, and the contributions I made to the trash can...ugh). This only confirms what we already know. Dessert is fattening. That's a little sad to me, like acknowledging the reality that your boyfriend really was a jerk and you were just too gaga over him to see it. Reality is painful.

On the positive side, I am going in the right direction. Craving chocolate all the way, but moving a step forward anyway.

Now on to 4 chapters of Insecurity--I'm way behind. (See paragraph 1 above. Last week was overwhelming to me. Time to get in the groove.)