Tuesday night

Ahhh. . . Tuesday night. Watching the Olympics instead of doing the 14 things on my to-do list. I find it interesting that I care basically nothing about any of these sports for years at a time, but find myself glued--and nervous--about winners/losers during the Olympics. Isn't that funny?

Tomorrow's my 2nd weigh-in and folks, this one's going to be interesting. I fell TOTALLY off the wagon on Sunday (Valentine's Day), which began with our tradition of heart-shaped Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I'll just cut to the chase and tell you that I ate FOUR of them. If you look up the calories online, those 4 doughnuts met the calorie count for one whole day--in other words, I would have had to eat nothing else all day to be in the correct calorie range.

Why did I do that? Because they were HERE, in my house. I can resist them when they are behind a glass counter. But sitting on my own counter? It was too much for me to bear.

This is all a part of my hard look at why and when I eat, so that I can modify how much I eat. I know about the mindless snacking--those bites and handfuls that add up to lots of unnecessary calories. I need to reflect more on the other problem--finding so much joy and comfort in carbs & sugar. When I write it like that, it seems ridiculous. But when that kind of food is in the house, I think about it, no matter what room I'm in. So . . . this week I'm going to work on thinking about food as fuel and as a means of providing nutrition. I don't want food to be my substitute for anything else.

In other news: I can't wait to hear about your discussion group of So Long, Insecurity. Can I tell you what has struck me so far?

First: I love that she addresses the question of how women can find security without the steady affirmation of a man (page 5). This is so important for the single college girls I work with, and at times, for most all married women. "What if no one tells us [we're captivating/beautiful]? What if a man is not captivated by us? Can we still fell adequate in a media-driven society?" Her answer, of course, is YES.

Two: I found myself nodding my head all the way through chapter 2. Her admonition to "keep an open mind about what an insecure woman looks like . . . she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness" (19). I can see insecurity rear its ugly head in myself, but I don't think I realize how much it lives in the lives of women around me, who I would describe as very secure.

Three: This describes me perfectly: "I just don't doubt myself. I doubt God about myself"(19). You have known me long enough to know this is true of me--that I don't think God knows the sum totality of my thoughts/actions, b/c if He did, His love would cease. I can identify that characteristic IN AN INSTANT in other people because this struggle has lived so long in me. I've made progress over the years, but I'm ready to yank this one out of the soil of deception, roots and all.

I would love to know your thoughts on these chapters and what reverberated in your spirit. I haven't checked the LPM blog since I joined the blogroll--I'm looking forward to seeing the 6,000+ responses. :-) So glad the book is in the hands of so many sisters--I'm praying that God will speak to all of us clearly in these pages, and that addressing some of our "issues" will help us to lift our eyes from self to Savior.

I love you, friend. I can't wait to hear from you!
Jana